Conversations should be like tennis: a back-and-forth dialogue conducted by two individuals who are completely present in the moment. Unfortunately, however, they often turn into two games of racquetball: each player is using the other person as a wall bounce their reflection off of and have it served right back to them.
Tennis games, on the other hand, represent the ideal type of conversations, ones which create and down interrupt the momentum of “flow state:” the harmonious dance of expression being passed back and forth between two people. Tennis conversations don’t happen as much as we’d like them to and that’s is why conversation can be hard. You don’t exactly know what to do to make the conversation go on and one little mistake and you’ve ruined everything.
In this article, we will explore 5 common mistakes people make that break the conversation flow:
1. Letting Your Ego Speak For You :
In conversations that resemble racquetball, we are letting our ego take control: when we use the other person as a wall to bounce the ball off of; when we have let the person know every two seconds that you also experienced something similar even though it wasn’t your time to share. The ego always must have the last word. In order to avoid this mistake, you must resist the temptation to skip ahead of the present moment and not involve your ego, or otherwise, the conversation will most likely be over.
2. Asking Surface Level Questions:
What do you do? How’s the weather? What are your plans for this weekend? Anything fun? These are fine questions if in the appropriate context but otherwise, this leads you right to the same old B.S. you discuss with literally everyone else. If you want to continue your conversation and don’t want it to hit a dead end then you should stop asking such questions. These questions, if anything, bring only boredom to the conversation. So, to make the conversation go on in a flow, you should avoid asking such questions and make the conversation as interesting as possible.
3. Making Dead-End Statements:
This is a mistake that just breaks off the flow of every conversation. Every time someone asks you a question, you answer them in a way that is not engaging and requests a response from the other person, you are sure to break the flow.
To make a conversation go off in a proper flow, you gotta act and show interest in the conversation and also the other person. If you are straight up making dead-end statements that don’t make the conversation interesting you will just bring the conversation to a dead end. If you are not sure what to say, just ask them the same thing they asked you but you gotta show your interest in the conversation, otherwise, it will most likely break off.
4. Making it all about you:
Another mistake that people usually make is that they make the entire conversation about themselves. They are considered as selfish talkers who will make everything about themselves. Yes, sometimes it is good to start a conversation but that doesn’t mean that you have to talk about yourself in the entire conversation. Sometimes, being a good listener can also help and when you are in a conversation then try not to make everything about you. Don’t jump into any conversation with the goal of telling your favorite stories or sharing your knowledge instead you should prioritize the other person to make them feel important.
5. Keeping Your Phone Within Eyesight (if in person):
In-person, if you are having a conversation with someone and you’re constantly checking your phone then it means you are ruining everything. You make the other person feel like you’re not interested in the conversation and you would rather spend your time looking at your instead of talking with that person. This makes it impossible for the conversation to continue as the other person will feel like you’re ignoring them and they will think that it is better to just stop talking than to continue the conversation because no one likes being ignored and if that is what you’re doing that you’re doing wrong. In-person, always show interest in the conversation and don’t make the other person feel like you’re not interested in them.