Should You Be Friends With Your Ex?

This topic is one that could bog you down in pro/con lists for all of eternity if you let it: you can ALWAYS find a great reason for rekindling the fire if you are looking for it (friendship style): for one, who knows you better than your ex? They were probably there for you during some of the hardest times of your life, and frankly, there is something to be said for the comfort of knowing that someone really gets you and what you’re going through.

But then, on the other hand, there’s the question of whether this proposed friendship has motives as pure as your intentions may seem. On a deeper subconscious level, it’s possible that part of you is hoping to win them back.

After a breakup, being friends with your ex can be both good and bad, not to mention that it can also be weird. Whether you can be friends with your ex or not depends on how you guys broke up. If your break up was pretty bad then you won’t be able to stay friends and continue the friendship. There’s also a lot more to being friends with your ex than just this but this is an important factor.

If you broke up badly then you both will resent each other and won’t even like to see each other. However, if you guys broke up on good terms then yes, staying friends may be an option because who knows you better than you ex? You both spent a lot of time together and you can be good friends.

Are you fine if your Ex moves on?

After a breakup, most people ask this question, “Can we still be friends?” and this is because it feels like a consolation for losing your relationship plus you both still care for each other, so why not still be in each other’s lives.

Yes, it is true that friendship with your ex can messy, complicated, and weird but there are certain boundaries in friendship, and in friendship, you both must acknowledge that you don’t work together as a couple anymore. You’re mere friends only, not partners.

For some people, the start of their relationship is from a good friendship and after the breakup, if they can still maintain good friendship then it will be possible to reestablish their relationship and make it even stronger than before.

Another thing to consider is the fact that although, say you really are only interested in a friendship, depending on the context, this may or may not be so healthy for the other person. You need to consider their feelings and not just yours. 

There will be boundaries

A “friend” is a vague term. It can mean any number of things. It is important that you take the time to specifically define this friendship and what is or is not appropriate given both of your current life situations, which includes multiple factors. As a result, some definitions are more clear than others.

Say, for example, you have a new partner and he or she goes on coffee dates with an ex every 6-12 months. Even if jealousy is provoked, that isn’t SO bad, right? No big deal (probably). However, what if your new partner’s ex is regularly showing up at your partner’s house with red wine for movie nights? That’s another story, one which has questionable intentions in most cases.

In conclusion, the question of whether or not you should be friends with your ex is a highly contextual question, one that is not a one-size-fits-all type of garment and requires a lot of thoughtful consideration. Yes, you can be friends with your ex but it can become weird and complicated out of nowhere.

What if your ex starts to see someone and you’re constantly barging up on your ex’s door. No one likes it when someone they’re dating is friends with their ex. So, this is a tough decision and a lot of thought and consideration must be given before making any decision.

If you’re certain that by staying friends with your ex you can somehow rebuild your relationship and work on where it went wrong, then sure, why not? But otherwise, this is a difficult decision and a lot of jealousy can come from this decision when you see your ex and a so-called friend out with someone else. So, take a lot of thought and consideration before making this decision.